Jon Snow (OBVIOUSLY!); it’s been confirmed Stannis is now headless and harmless; Miranda is being fed to the dogs by consummate recycler, Ramsay; and Ellaria and ‘The Sand Snakes’ got stabby with Prince Doran, Trystane and Areo Hotah. Then there’s the Bolton soldiers that Brienne and Podrick saw off when they were saving Sansa and Theon.
Most Impressive Death?
Has to be Trystane’s, doesn’t it? It was a shame to see someone so pretty made into a human kebab by his cousin, Obara, but props to the special effects guys on the show for making it look so grotesquely convincing.
None to speak of this week. Even Melisandre’s wee strip tease at the end had a point to it, i.e. to demonstrate her vulnerability, her magical powers and her true identity. They’re bound to make up for it in the coming weeks though.
Quote of the Week
Alliser Thorne: …And you Ser Davos. I shall allow you to travel South a free man with a fresh horse.
Davos: And some mutton. I’d like some mutton.
Alliser Thorne: What?
Davos: I’m not much of a hunter. I’ll need some food if I’m going to make it South without starving.
Brienne Ex Machina
Danielle: Yes, it was all too convenient that Brienne just happened to be there when Sansa and Theon were being chased by the Bolton men and hounds, but praise the Lord she and Pod were still hanging around in the forest after lopping Stannis’ head off at the end of last season! The Stark children, and Sansa especially, were long overdue a stroke of good luck, so fingers crossed this is where their fortunes start to change. I was quite touched by the scene where Brienne swore her sacred vow. Not only was it great that she’s finally found someone to serve after Renly and then Catelyn’s untimely deaths, but that instant where the oldest Stark girl turned to Theon for his approval, even after everything he’s done, spoke volumes about shared adversity repairing the friendship/almost familial bond they’ve had since childhood. My heart broke when he advised her to go to Castle Black because Jon was the Lord Commander there. She doesn’t need any more heartache. I’m interested to see where they go from there, however. If Sansa does find some safety with Stark loyalists somewhere, I can’t imagine them being as forgiving of Theon as she has. He’s got to go back to the Iron Islands, surely?
Marieke: First fist pump moment of the series! I loved Brienne saving the day, proper IDGAF that she happens to appear at the right moment again. That’s her job. The eternal question rising after this scene seems to be, ‘What happened to the dogs?’ Well, Brienne scared them off and with their tails between their legs they went back to Ramsay. Luckily they can’t tell him what happened.
Trouble Up North
Danielle: Jon Snow’s totally dead, isn’t he? I mean there was Kit Harrington giving his best corpse… No, really, he’s clearly a version of Checkov’s gun now, shown in the first act and bound to be ‘fired’ by the third, especially as Melisandre has seen him in the flames helping to win a great victory at Winterfell. Sure, her flame-watching skills have been brought into question over her wrongly believing Stannis was the horse to back, but her ‘spidey sense’ has been tingling ever since she first laid eyes on the currently deceased Lord Commander. I actually laughed out loud at her big reveal at the end of the episode. I’m sure it murdered a few boners, but I find myself oddly impressed that she was able to give birth to a ‘shadow baby’ when she’s at least pushing 100. Go Mel! The night is dark and full of dirty mirrors!
As for the rest of the Night’s Watch, well, you’re clearly in trouble, lads! They may outnumber Davos, Ghost and the few men who are still loyal to Jon, but when Edd gets back with the Wildlings, oh Thorne, you and your mates are going to regret it! I’m not entirely sure what’s happened to Olly other than the fact the actor has aged since last season, but he’s become particularly annoying and arrogant, I suppose so it’ll bother us less when he’s killed off. I’m also starting to wonder if the current storyline at the Wall is going to feed into Ramsay’s troubles with Roose and, in turn, the Bolton’s ongoing issues with the Lannisters, who didn’t want Sansa to be married into the family. There’s no way Ramsay is going to be happy with the Wildlings having control of The Wall, is there? I can’t see him allowing Roose and Walda’s newest addition to live either.
Marieke: Davos wants some mutton. He is not much of hunter, but he is the best. I really do not want him to die and I hope he, Ghost and the other Night’s Watch ‘deserters’ will make it. Will Edd find bushy-bearded Tormund in time to lead a rebellion? I would like that. Oh and can I buy a glamour and that necklace somewhere? Melisandre has been a bit of a disappointment magic/prediction wise (I raised an eyebrow when Davos said that they didn’t see her do what he saw her doing, although he did see her give birth to the shadow baby way back in Season 2.) But here she shows where most of her magic is being used. Was her true form needed to save power for Jon saving blood magic? Or did she just give up? In case of the latter it was the ultimate, ‘Whatever!’ By the way, what the hell was going on with Davos staring at the snow where Jon laid after he’d been stabbed? Strange!
Jorah and the Curious Case of ‘Khaleesi-dar’
Danielle: So Daenerys is right back where she started. Being held at the whim of a Dothraki horde, and being threatened with physical and sexual violence. Hmm. Props to her for standing up to newcomer, Khal Moro, nevertheless. Her admission that she used to be married to Khal Drogo may prevent her from being allowed to go back to Meereen and mean she’s being forced her to be sent to Vaes Dothrak to join the other Dothraki widows in the Dosh Khaleen, but there’s no doubt in my mind Drogon’s eventually going to stop licking his wounds and come to the rescue. I’m not entirely sure how useful her fan club, Jorah and Daario, are going to be against those who’ve taken her captive, but they are providing some much needed light relief. Sort of like a medieval Cagney and Lacey. Speaking of Jorah, how good is that man’s eyesight?! I drop the cap from my toothpaste in the bathroom and I can’t find it, whilst Ser Friendzone can spot the ring from Dany’s marriage to Hizdahr from half a mile away. Meanwhile, Daario seems oblivious to the fact his travelling companion is slowly turning into a human rockery, in spite of the fact there’s a gaping hole in the sleeve of his shirt.
Marieke: So many people wondered how Jorah could find the ring. OF COURSE HE WOULD. He loves his Khaleesi, so everything attached to her he sees. It’s like wearing khaleesi-tinted glasses. Jorah is akin to a dog trained to find drugs, only he finds khaleesi. Well I hope he will seen as she’s about to be shipped away to a retirement home for Dothraki widows. I wonder which games they will play there and what the lunch looks like. It was a bit gut wrenching to see Dany getting some respect (who wouldn’t after THAT title. She must’ve practised to remember all that!), to the message she is basically useless now. The Dothraki widows predicted that Dany’s son would the stallion to mount the world, but look what happened there. I hope our new Khaleesi-saving bromance duo will show up in time.
The Imp and the Cockless Spider go A-wandering in Meereen
Danielle: With Dany and Drogon missing in action, things aren’t exactly going swimmingly for the stand-in rulers in Meereen. The freed slaves are no longer enthralled with their ‘Mhysa’ and are starting to listen to the Red priests and priestesses, who are encouraging them to stand on their own two feet and rebel. Then there’s the small matter of The Harpy who’s still encouraging his gold-masked minions to make mischief, and is seemingly responsible for the burning of the city’s ships meaning there’s little to no chance of them reaching Westeros in the foreseeable future. Someone was following Tyrion and Varys as they wandered the streets. Who was it? My theory is still that Daario is The Harpy and he’s using both the Sons of the Harpy and the Second Sons to create chaos in his absence. Let’s face it, heading off to save his Queen is a great alibi. Oh and I found that scene where Varys has to apologise to the women who thinks Tyrion wants to eat her baby absolutely hilarious. Language barriers can be a bitch!
Marieke: Tyrion does not eat babies! It reminds me of the packaging for baby lotion that had a picture of a baby put on them for illiterate patrons, and unwittingly horrified them because they thought the lotion ‘contained’ babies. There’s no baby in the lotion, nor in Tyrion’s diet. So the harbour is gone. They are really going to need those dragons now. I also loved Varys calling Tyrion out on walking like a rich man. Their adversarial friendship is great.
The Dornish Disaster
Danielle: I can’t believe I actually felt sorry for Cersei. It finally happened. In fairness, Lena Headey was incredible in that scene where she went from sheer joy that her daughter was returning home, to being utterly bereft when she realised Myrcella was coming back to King’s Landing in a ‘golden shroud’, as prophesied by Maggy the Frog when she was just a child herself. Of course Jaime is doing what a Lannister does and promising to repay his debts, but, for once, I find myself almost cheering them on.
In what’s apparently a huge departure from the books, it’s Ellaria and The Sand Snakes that have proclaimed themselves defacto rulers of Dorne after not only claiming Myrcella’s life, but also brutally murdering both Prince Doran and his son, Trystane. I’m not even sure how Nymeria and Obara managed to get on the boat with their cousin, whilst Ellaria and Tyene killed their ruler and his guard back home. Weren’t they last seen waving the ship off at the end of Season 5? Aside from anything else, I just find the whole storyline irritating. It’s like Ellaria has learnt precisely nothing from the impulsive behaviour that got Oberyn killed, and has instead decided to double down. Even he wouldn’t have killed innocent children like she has, but as he found out all too late, pride does come before having your head caved in. Still, the one saving grace is that Indira Varma’s shoulder pads have reached Dynasty sized proportions, and I’m all for a bit of nostalgia.
Marieke: Yay matriarchy! That is all the cheer I have for the plot in Dorne. The best warrior killed in an instant. And, how did two of the snakes get onto the boat whilst being on the shore at the end of last season? Yeah they could’ve followed with a boat, but that is a plot hole, fellas. Are they in King’s Landing now? Do I care? Jaime wanting even more revenge and getting his sister-lover to believe the same after the gut wrenching, ‘What would Mother look like dead?’ speech, sounds like a familiar Lannister recipe for disaster. Bring out the zombie-Mountain!
The Making of a Badass in Braavos?
Danielle: As punishment for going stab-happy with Meryn Trant, Arya has been cursed with some pretty hideous looking cataracts and been forced out onto the streets to beg. To make matters worse, The Waif has taken it upon herself to come and beat her up with a stick and mock her when she’s unable to fight back. Naturally, it’s just a ruse to get her to ‘see’ the error of her ways and to train her up as a ninja-esque badass, but the youngest Stark girl doesn’t know that yet. I’m looking forward to some Karate Kid style, ‘Wax on, wax off’ training scenes over the coming weeks.
Marieke: Can’t wait for Arya to fight back at some point. I hope they will speed up that storyline. I do not want to see her get beaten up all season.
Our Fezzy Score:
What did you think of the Season 6 première? Let us know in the comments…